How are they related to conflict? And how can a conflict coach help?
You and your friends plan an evening out. When you meet, everyone has something different in mind. One person wants to go watch a movie, someone else wants to go out for dinner. Another certainly does NOT want to go out to eat, she’s not dressed for it, and anyway, she just ate. The ideas keep coming, everyone’s talking at the same time, and it’s a cacophony of arguments, until you just sit down in front of the TV with a glass of wine, and let them hash it out. Finally, one of your more charismatic friends talks everyone into doing what she wants, which isn’t very popular, but she knows how to sway the crowd.
Now imagine that this scene plays out repeatedly in your life with both mundane and major decisions. But instead of happening in your living room, it happens in your head. No, I’m not suggesting you have multiple personality disorder. But different parts of you clamoring for different things, even feeling different things, are quite normal. This is inner conflict, and it can make even the simplest of decisions hard.
While sometimes you make the right decision, it can also lead to indecision, procrastination, and bad choices that you later regret.
Say you’re considering quitting your job and starting your own business. You weigh your options and decide to stay in your job for a few more years till you’re financially stable. But how do you know that you’re not compromising on your dreams because of a fear of the unknown?
Practices such as mindfulness can quieten the cacophony. Learning to listen inside familiarizes you with the cast of your inner landscape. A compassionate and competent mediator will listen to conflicting points of view, in internal or external conflict, and help you discern next steps so that baggage doesn’t get in the way.
Sometimes life still might not turn out the way you want, but approaching indecision as inner turmoil or conflict may be an act of self-compassion. Especially, if your life goals and dreams are on the line.